10 Rules For Your Child's Freedom

September 15, 2022 | Stephen Forrester, SRAS

Parents,

We are committed to walking with you as you help your teen make healthy decisions regarding dating relationships and sexual activity. One of the most natural ways to help your child avoid the consequences of sexual activity is by setting boundaries, while communicating the freedoms these boundaries provide. Here are 10 rules to consider when setting boundaries for your dating or about-to-date teen:

Rule #1 – Wait to Date: Ensure that your teen doesn’t begin dating too early. Of teens who begin dating before the age of 12, 91% become sexually active by the end of high school[1]. Encourage your teen to spend time with a group of friends in the early teen years.

Rule #2 – Age Differences Matter: One study showed that girls under 16 had their first sexual encounter with a boy two years older more than twice as often as with boys their age[2]. If your teen is dating, it may be best to keep the age range under two years.

Rule #3 – No “Home-Alone” Visitors: Many teens and their friends have a window of opportunity for unhealthy decisions right after school and right before parents came home from work. Consider designating times when you will be home during which it is acceptable for your teen’s friends to come to your home.

Rule #4 – Be Home on Time: The later the time, the more out-of-control activities take place. We know this, right? Having age-appropriate curfews is a necessary part of protecting your teen. Just remember to be willing to negotiate their curfew time as they get older, especially if they work or play a sport.

Rule #5 – Avoid Alcohol and Drugs: Your teen probably understand that consuming alcohol and drugs is illegal, but they should be fully aware of the effects of these substances on their bodies, their decisions, and how students often regret the actions they take while being under the influence.

Rule #6 – Avoid “At-Risk Situations”: As you know, anything can happen at anytime in the life of a teenager. Talk with your teen about situations that could lead them to engage in at-risk behavior, such as sex or alcohol. Pro-tip: Offer to pick up your teen at any time in any place, no questions asked.

Rule #7 – Watch What You Watch: Be aware of the video or music content being consumed at home. And because you will not always be around to monitor your child’s entertainment choices, teach them how to evaluate TV shows and movies on their own. Ask questions like, “What’s the purpose of this show? What values does it teach?”

Rule #8 – Screen the Internet: Just as you would never let a stranger in your house to visit your teen’s room, it is crucial that you stand in the way of internet “strangers” that may visit through social media and pornographic websites. Place the family computer in a common area of the home. Install a filter for your child’s devices. Ask them about their phone use often.

Rule #9 – Listen to The Music – Or Not: Music has a unique way of impacting our lives because it often speaks to real life circumstances and emotions. However, music can be a negative guide to where students should pursue love and happiness. As with the previous rules, teach them to evaluate music wisely, monitor what they are listening to, and ask what messages they are receiving through their headphones.

Rule #10 – Personal Boundaries: Remind your teen that the purpose of rules is not to ruin their fun, but to safeguard their freedom. Just as a fish cannot live beyond the boundaries of water, teen cannot thrive in a healthy lifestyle outside of personal boundaries. These must be established before your teen gets into a dating situation.

This information is adapted from a parent manual entitled, The Big Talk Book for Parents by Bruce Cook. This easy-to-read book is a guide to help support parents as they talk to their teens about sex. Live Free is happy to provide a copy of this resource for free. Please contact our office at (864) 627-3125. We are grateful for the opportunity to serve you and your family!

References

[1] B.P. Yawn and R.A. Yawn, “Adolescent pregnancy: A preventable consequence?” The Prevention Researcher, (Winter 1997) Vol. 4 No. 1.

[2] J.C. Abma, A. Chandra, W.D. Mosher, L. Peterson, L Piccinino. “Fertility family planning, and women’s health: new data from the 1995 National Survey of Family Growth,” National Center for Health Statistics: Vital Health Stat 23 (19), 1997.